maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
