I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
