He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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