Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
