I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize