my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
