im having a threesome with these popsicles
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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