It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
