I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize