i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
