so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
