Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
