Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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