My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
