I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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