Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
