we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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