My cat gives me a boner
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
