I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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