ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize