we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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