Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
