If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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