I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
