Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
