Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
