we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
