she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
