Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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