If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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