shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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