i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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