I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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