they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
