I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
