kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
