I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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