Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize