I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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