he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You have to summon your inner elephant
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
