I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
