we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
