They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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