people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We had sex on a dog bed..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
