Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
