My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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