i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize