no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
