things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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