Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
soo... how was my night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
