you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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