I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
