He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
