Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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