He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
