Fuck appropriateness.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
