there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
