we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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