my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
