P.S. I can't hear my feet
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
