8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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